like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you win again, gameday.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
