I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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