Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
