I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
