"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
