Pappa wants mamma naked
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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