I can't watch pbs sober anymore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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