Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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