you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
