it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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