Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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