Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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