Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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