I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
