i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
worst night to have a conscience
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
