i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
