someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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