Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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