When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
