Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
