Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
