after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
