Say something about gay babies.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
