she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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