apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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