Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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