it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
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she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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