Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
