Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
