my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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