For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
