he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
