im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
