I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
