I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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