based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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