he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
