btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
