Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize