Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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