he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
