My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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