Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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