Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
