dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
