Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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