when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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