You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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