Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
