lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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