Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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