So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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