We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize