If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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