youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
