my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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