how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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