im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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