When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you traded sex for a burrito?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
