And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
