Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
