I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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