after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
