Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
