Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
wow bdsm is so cute
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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