Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
