i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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