Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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