i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
