The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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