You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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