there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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